Knock knock, anybody home? This is me stealthily sneaking my way back into your lives once again…

I hope this post finds you all in absolute good health by the Grace of God. I am not doing bad myself.

There is not enough words to convey how excited I am to be able to reconnect with you all through this medium. Over the past year I have received messages from a few of you asking when Yarh’s Journal would be active again and each time I have been truly grateful to know that you cared enough to notice my absence. Loads of love to anyone who reached out to me.

I was on a phone call with a friend who also happens to be an avid reader and an all round supporter of my writing and he asked about why I wasn’t posting anymore. “I feel like you’re losing touch with yourself” he said, “where is that girl I met and was so in awe of? What happened to her?” He added. For my reply, I found myself opening up and having a conversation I didn’t know I needed to have.

Truth is, I never intended to stay away for so long, but the more time that passed without me posting anything, the harder it became for me to get back to it. I cannot point out one particular thing that led to this long absence, what I can say though is that a lot of factors contributed to what can eventually be diagnosed as me feeling uninspired and disconnected from the part of me that enjoys writing.

The goal has always been to share my life, my story, experiences and thoughts with a larger audience, to have conversations and create a community of love and acceptance in the hopes that by sharing my story, someone out there would feel inspired and less alone in whatever phase of life they may be in, all the while staying authentic to myself.

It started out as me not finishing any piece I started because, according to me, they just weren’t good enough ( I’m my own worst critic). There were times I wanted to share some experiences but then again a part of me didn’t want to share those experiences. Other days I just didn’t feel inspired to put anything out there.

I started this journey in January 2019 and I was 23 going on 24 by then. Five years later and I can say for a fact that your girl has definitely grown and been shaped by life’s experiences. I wondered, sometimes, how this growth would reflect in my future posts and if at all it would still appeal to my original audience.

In his attempt to help me, the friend I mentioned earlier suggested I go back to my old posts, read them, reconnect with myself and appreciate the growth therein.. So I did just that. I came upon a line from one of my previous posts ( giving up my crown) that read “I identify as a young, bold, beautiful and intelligent black woman…” I thought to myself “how brazen of her lol”, because in that moment I couldn’t identify with any of those attributes.

I forgot, rather easily, why I started this journey and how much it meant to me. I forgot, too quickly, your encouragements and approving comments. I forgot that in as much as I loved sharing with you all, this journal was my own little but not so little therapy. I let Imposter Syndrome get the best of me and literally cripple me with doubts.

I apologize for the long absence, I never meant to be gone for so long. I know how it has not been all sunshine on my side this past year so I would like to ask you “how have you been?”. I hope that all has been well on your side.

Always and forever your girl

I also want to thank you all, for checking up on me and for encouraging me. In this relationship, you mean a lot to me and I do not take any of you for granted. The pen is out, the book is back on the table, gradually but eventually, I’ll find my flow and I promise you my friends, you’ll hear from me soon. Until then, keep safe and stay healthy.

Xoxo

Yarh