We are in the last few days of 2024 and for all the celebrations that are going on during this festive season, not all who started the year with us are ending it with us.

Death did its thing too many times this year and hit too close to home more often than I could care for. I attended a total of about five funerals this year and each time I was overwhelmed by the emotions that consumed me even at the funerals of people that I wasn’t exactly close to. I always carried with me a deep sense of something and I would try my best to communicate that with you in today’s post.

Of the five funerals I attended, one was an aunt of mine and another a woman from church who I grew up knowing. For these two women, the initial reaction I had upon hearing the news of their passing was “oh! Just like that?” Because even though I may not have known the intricate details of their day-to-day lives, I knew enough to feel like surely this cannot  be how their story/life ends. Knowing that certain things were going on in their  lives, certain prayers we were still looking to God to answer, their exit from this world while all these were still pending felt like an injustice. 

I remember attending my aunt’s one week service and seeing this huge banner with a photograph of her while she was still very young looking absolutely beautiful, full of sunshine, looking like she had a beautiful future ahead of her, like she could be whoever she wanted to be. Just beneath this big picture of my young aunt, to the lower right corner, was another picture of her this time a more recent one before she passed. Now, unlike the first picture, this one kind of broke my heart not because she looked older, but because while the younger picture depicted a bright looking young woman with a future of beautiful possibilities ahead of her, this older one told a story of what her life really had been. How the years only cruelly stole her innocence and perhaps weren’t exactly fair to her. Having experienced them in my childhood and being privy to a part of their life stories, I wondered if these women would make the same choices they made in another lifetime. I may have asked God in those moments,  What is the essence of life?

I witnessed something in the year 2018/2019 that ultimately led to me developing such a strong disdain towards the culture of funerals to the extent that I decided I didn’t want any funeral service whatsoever after I passed, and this was something I wanted to declare legally. At the time, I felt funerals were too demanding financially and mentally, and I didn’t want to subject my family and loved ones to such a cruel culture while they were still mourning me.

Attending these funerals gave me a different perspective that I realized I never considered, mind you, I still have my reservations. First thing worthy of mention is the presence of family, community members, church members, etc. at the funeral grounds and whatever customs or culture they display as a form of paying their last respects to the departed. My aunt was from a royal family and I think her brother was a chief so other cheifs and Queen mothers were present, and there was a moment of cultural display in alignment with the custom of the Awutu people. Three out of the five funerals I attended were hosted by the Adventist church and so the Adventist youth society also performed their usual duties. The display of culture and regalia to me showed the roots of the departed. It added a level of warmth to the coldness and harshness of the situation and humanized the departed even more. What these things showed me was that no matter the sadness of their passing or whatever opinion I have of what their lives may have been like, these people belonged to a family, a community, a church and that gave them an identity that they didn’t do this life alone.

For all the funerals, I was only present for the tribute reading of my aunt. The other cousins were asked to join our bereaved cousins as they read their tribute to their mother. This for me was the most heartbreaking moment of it all. My proximity to the reader gave me an opportunity to hear everything she read word for word. Hearing the words of my younger cousin about their mother was so relatable and when she broke down  mid-sentence and could barely read further, my heart broke right along with her. In that moment, I understood and could relate with the memories she shared of their mother, how each sibling experienced her in their own way. My aunt may not have stopped World War II, she may not have been a part of The Six Triple Eight and she may not be written in the world’s history books but she was a hero in the lives of these six children and two grandchildren she left behind, she must’ve been a great sister to this brother who wept bouts of tears alongside his nieces and nephews never mind that he is a chief. And so when midway into the tribute, my cousin broke down with “Ah! Ma!!” I couldn’t hold back my tears. I felt the loss she mourned as if it was my own and her pain I couldn’t empathize with enough. In a similar manner, at the funeral of a client from work, I saw her eldest son weep inconsolably for his mother, and I imagined that he must’ve had a similar relationship with his mother as my younger brother has with our mom and my heart went out to him because I couldn’t imagine the pain my own brother would be in if he were to be in that position. To the bereaved, life would never be the same and the loss of their loved one left a void that could never be filled in this lifetime and that they would have to face this cold world without the warmth of the love of their mother whose meer existence made life a lot more bearable. Their once colorful world now suddenly turned grey and their personal superhero no longer with them. I couldn’t bear the thought of a future without any of my loved ones and for that reason alone my heart went out to them.

Another part of the culture I found quite interesting and rather refreshing is the part of the ceremony that takes place after the body has been buried and everyone returns to the funeral grounds. Aside the donations (Nsawabo) from loved ones to support the bereaved, the music and dancing bit is what stuck out to me. People, who a few hours ago were mourning and borderline wailing, somehow find the strength to now dance it out. I saw that as a celebration of the life of the one they lost, like a right of passage of sort. To signify that though they mourn and grieve the loss of their loved one, they also choose in that moment, no matter how short, to celebrate the life that was lived. Of course, there are those that these sentimental facts may not apply to, but that’s besides the point.

I find the sermons shared at these funerals very necessary as they help those present to properly reflect on their lives and personal journeys. Funerals are very heavy emotionally and after all the funerals I’ve attended this year, I will humbly admit that I am in fact such a crybaby because I have wept at every single one of these funerals. As such, I decided right after my first funeral of the year that my must have items for funerals are,  a pair of sunglasses (because I can not explain to anyone why my eyes are teary even though I may not personally know the departed), a pack of tissues and handkerchiefs.

The aftermath of these events is that I became acutely aware of my own mortality and that of my loved ones and that translated into me wanting to spend as much quality time with them as possible. The ultimate question for me remains; what is the essence of life ? Is it in the life we live for those around us and the legacy we leave behind, or in the life we live for ourselves? Please feel free to share your thoughts with me in the comments section below.

The year 2024 is coming to an end and not all who started the year with us are ending it with us. And so this post is to all who have suffered the loss of their loved ones in the course of this year and may be experiencing this festive season not quite as everyone else, I’m sorry for your loss. I pray that the good Lord sees you through your period of mourning and grief. May the souls of the departed continue to rest in peace.

Whatever the answer to my ultimate question may be, one thing remains true, we are all living on borrowed time and eventually flesh will return to dust. For however long our days on earth may be, I pray that we are able to live fully and unapologetically in Christ for ourselves and our loved ones. Till we meet again in my next post. 

I am eternally grateful to God for you all.

XOXO 

Yarh