Young lady, do not awaken love before its time….
I’ve read Songs of Songs a number of times but never really realized this verse (which appears more than once actually). When I first noticed it , I couldn’t get it off my mind . A lot of things made sense to me and from that moment I promised not awaken love before its time.
You see I’ve had quite a number of relationships and if I’m single now then it can only mean they all failed .
After my last relationship, I decided to take a break in order to focus on myself more , get to know me better and understand why I couldn’t last past 3-4months (mostly) in relationships. Truth be told, I made that decision at that time (I think) because it was what people usually said and I made a bet with my friends that I’d wait until after a year so yh! I had to stick to my words.
It’s over 3 years down the line and tho I’m still single, I’ve had a few distractions/bumps here and there . I have, however, learnt so many things about me, things I want etc.. all in all, I’ve been shaped into this lady that I admire and love so much within this period . A force to be reckoned with. At a point when I didn’t even know what laid ahead of me, God put the right people in my life . I’ve learnt so much from and with them, so much so that I can’t help but be grateful because this was definitely God’s plan.
While I’d love to share the things that I’ve learnt so far and how much my friends and family have influenced my life , that’s not what this post is about . This post is about the many times I have failed to measure up to be the woman I know I am and want to be. It’s about the subtle and not-so subtle compromises I’ve made within these 3 and something years that I’ve been single and grown to become a ” better version of me “.
I’d meet a cute guy , start liking him and if he expressed mutual interest ( not so much in words but by actions), I’d start playing around , having conversations I know better than to be having and a few compromises here and there just to keep the interest going. All the while my conscience would be pricking me like a pin in a dress . I’d eventually give in and let my conscience win by cutting off whatever it is I may have started….. usually after I realise things are going much farther than i bargained for or getting much realer than I wanted…….(sigh)… In the end, I’d be left with a guilty conscience and the other person emotionally stressed.
You see the problem is that, I was introduced to a whole new person – a woman I always wanted to be but never thought was possible until I met ladies who were actually living the reality of my fantasy. And so when I saw that it was actually possible to be that girl, I became excited to be her. Unfortunately, I had old habits (baggage) that I enjoyed and was even good at …. habits that to other people, who don’t necessarily understand my path or aren’t on the same journey as me, weren’t bad but had to go in order for me to grow too. I didn’t realise just how much work I had to do to let go… self-denial and all.
I’ve always wanted a better relationship with God and within this period, my faith grew stronger and better , this also made the effects of every single set back more deep than usual … for I was still far from perfect. I struggled a bit with inferiority complex growing up and this led to many bad decisions. Thanks to God and to each and every single person in my life, I found myself and my place .
After a series of sermons, studies , bible discussions and personal reflection, I made the decision to surrender the “right person/partner for me ” job to God. I’d tried and failed on my own so why not let the One person I’d grown to trust and confide in (God) do the job? He knew my likes, dislikes , fantasies , wants and needs so why not Him?… I surrendered my will , time and being to Him to honor and glorify Him. A decision that almost always couldn’t stand the test of time because anytime someone interesting came my way , I’d cut back on time spent with God -if I had to- to talk with them. The will which I so willingly surrendered to Him (God) would then be taken back again by me , as if to use for a while and then return later. I’ve compromised quite a number of times and where the devil would have me throw in the towel due to guilt , God always showed me a way out . A God like this….
Yes I have become someone better than I was a few years back ; spiritually, emotionally ,mentally , socially etc…. but I’m still not a complete manifestation of that person. For sometime I didn’t know which ‘me’ appealed most to people so based on who I was talking with , I’d either be the me now or the me then just to maintain their interest. Consequentially, I’ve had to run away from alliances that were built on someone I no longer am .
What I’ve realised today is that, such an attitude doesn’t serve me or the other person any good . I made a decision which required me to change somethings about me . Leading people on by making them believe I am someone I’m not ( anymore ) and expecting them to accept who I really am later on is like putting burger in a pizza box and expecting the customer to accept the burger just like that tho they ordered for pizza. ( if they wanted burger they’d probably have gone to burger king right?… lol). It’s robbing them off their choice and in the end the whole emotional stress is just not worth it.
I’ve managed to keep a few good friends in spite of how we may have started off but girl!!!.. all that mess could’ve been avoided.
This verse speaks volumes for me because I realised that my time for love was never ready in the past. I had identity issues , insecurities, battling with faith and trying to take on the world ( whatever that means) at the same time. That was definitely not my time and every relationship I had not only failed but also left some hearts broken. These early romantic awakenings eventually became a distraction in my passionate pursuit of God.
I wouldn’t say my time for love is now , but at least I’ve come very far . I’m in transit ; not where I was and yet not at my destination either. I’m on my way.
I share this with you all today, dear friends, not to dictate when the right time for love is but to tell anyone who’s probably going thru something similar that they’re not alone. I also want to encourage the strong ones among us ( at least in this area) that they should never give up because by being themselves, they have unknowingly become the anchor that helped some of us find our way home.
Like I said, I’m still in transit and for now I have some questions of my own, questions which I hope y’all can help me understand better …
Does surrendering my choice mean I should avoid people who express romantic interest in me just to see where things would lead ( esp if i like them back)?… I don’t think God will literally wake me up from sleep and present ‘him’ to me so… in this waiting period , how do I wait ? I’m not in a rush but it still helps to know .
Please do share your thoughts and suggestions in the comment section.. help a sister out .
Thank you for spending time to read this long piece , hopefully you enjoyed it and will be back here again.
Take good care of yourself and don’t be a stranger…
xoxo
Yarh.
Beautiful, more love dear
thank you
I don’t think the right word here should be “avoid” but vigilant. Pay attention to the surrounding, to the person, but most specially to the voice of God. Be careful not to make “God’s decisions” just because it’s seems right, just because you feel some type of way when you are around that person. There are mistakes that can be avoided, there are things that you don’t necessarily need to go through in order for you to learn some things. You are precious to God, and your is precious too. Let’s not brake it. ♥️
ayiii mama!! you’re too much …..seriously tho… thanks for your words … true and powerful… i have learnt sth today too.. bless you
Well said
And about the compromise part…I have a question.Anyone can answer.
Today so many may feel rejected by God,like a failure,or disappointed themselves or others cause of certain mistakes in their past.Some even feel like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel,they screwed up n because they can’t take it back they feel like it can never be ok.How would u help one in this situation?
very interesting question… will share my thoughts soon.
the key point here is “feel”… just because we feel rejected doesn’t necessarily mean that we are. Guilt is one of the devices the enemy uses to keep us down… but where sin abounds , His Grace abounds even more. He says that nothing can ever separate us from His love… i’ll encourage such a person with these words and also let them know they are not alone … together we’ll find our way home… hope this helps.
Yass!
personally i think it’s almost impossible to avoid people who express romantic interest in you in that not many will directly approach in that manner buh seek to be friends first.However i think it’s important to have guard rails,know where to draw the line e.g in conversations,body language (which can be quite misleading) and the like.I’lld say the moment you realize you start liking someone/the person back..take it to God.We all need wisdom..n when feelings are involved we mostly are hard to take on advice from the the right source because we’re afraid of what the answer may be.
I read an interesting post during the course of this week that said ‘jus because you’re not in a relationship doesn’t mean you should go around being emotionally involved with someone either”..i guess the point the person was tryna make was sometimes we choose to end up in situation-ships because we don’t wanna be in a relationship Buh that’s not okay either.Hope it makes some sense n sorta answers your question!
Always looking forward to your next piece
i need a notebook for the sauce here…. thank you for sharing Mo…. i’m blessed to have y’all in my life…. i hope others will be blessed as i am.
Good read
thanks
Thanks for sharing
thank you too
Certainly not “avoid” as earlier stressed by others. Let’s dialogue some time on this. But still a good read and thought-provoking one.
sure… thanks
wow!! powerful indeed. I pray for you to be strong and let the Lord guide you.
Thank you sis… really appreciate
Continue to abide in God’s love for you. Continue to let Him be the King of your heart. Let your will be submitted to His. Flow with His agenda for you. Let your heart be so hidden in Him that the real intentions of a potential Mr have to stand under the light of Your relationship with Jesus. In this waiting season, Let Jesus be enough for you. Just enjoy your life with Him and allow Him to be enough and from this point of “wholeness” and sufficiency in Him and identity assurance you will be better positioned to discern what to do in the immediacy of the moment.
i’m blessed by this Abel….a lot of things i’m taking home….. thank you.
In other words,Don’t start what you cannot finish. Let he who has ears listen
said it all…. thank you sir
There are some people who will come along who definitively have to be avoided. For those that it’s not easy to tell, thread cautiously and continually pray and apply the biblical wisdom which I am sure you are full of.
truth said mama…. thank you very much.
Wow some really insight about you I never knew…I really hope God actually helps you in finding “the one”…Congratulations on finding yourself
thank you ….
Nice piece dear, I really love the way you’re expressing yourself. It’s good realize yourself and stick to that always no matter what people say about you behind your back or in front of you….
thanks Richmond.
This post is interesting(VERY), reading it over and over thanks Yarh for sharing. God bless you.
Okay so I’ve gone through the comments and I think all focus are on the FACT that you have to put your trust in God. Yes that is 100% right but there is a “HOW”
How do you know you ain’t letting go of the right one if you’ve already met him or her?
How do you even know God has made you ready to meet someone?
Do we need to sit and wait for God to bring that right person to us?
So many thoughts that are needed to be answered as well.
I know of someone who got married a virgin, got divorced a virgin and no more a virgin(not married) all in the name of “I didn’t believe he was God’s chosen for me”.
Still not married at the age of 38. When is the right person coming? What if she let go of that one right person?
There is reality and spiritual, let’s not take one and ignore the other, they work hand in hand. Thanks
Interesting thoughts … thank you for sharing ❤️
Love it❤️..Thank you for sharing God bless you
Thank you for your support love ..
Very thought provoking piece. Thanks for sharing. Surrendering your choice doesn’t mean avoidance, it does however mean giving total control to God. As you rightly said he knows what your likes are but the problem most often is that we don’t even know what’s good for ourselves. So,more importantly God is the only one who knows what’s best for us more than we would like to admit. Why not surrender that choice over to Him? We temporarily lease our choices to Him then we take it back cause we are consciously or Subconsciously Afriad of what His answer will be (huge mistake). Being single is a gift not a curse, not a time to feel incomplete, not a time for trial and error, rather it’s a time to grow mentally , emotionally and most especially a time to grow spiritually. The more we are in tune with God the more our minds are transformed like His. This gives us a clearer view. Looking at everything through the lense of God helps us avoid so many heartaches. The hymn says “oh what pains we bare all because we do not take it to God in prayer. All God is waiting for us our total surrender to Him and He begins to nurture us, preparing us for the time when the right one will come and so many right wannabes will come but when THE RIGHT ONE comes, our new found connection with the spirit of God will confirm their presence and our singlehood with God would have prepared us to receive this gift. Don’t let your emotions lead it usually leads to a shipwreck. Let God lead. It’s ok to be friends, paying attention to boundaries as stressed by others, till God confirms.
Note: Remeber, God doesn’t give His children to people who are unprepared or undeserving. Use your time as singles to prepare for your gift. It’s on its way.
Don’t awaken other people’s packages, yours will clearly be marked yours. Be patient and grow.
thank you very much A-Mac…. all noted. God bless you.